I’ve always loved Edsels. They’re the perfect blend of quirky and classy, and — because of their rather unfortunate reception back in the 1950s (which led to a quick demise) — I see them as underdogs. They spent far too many years not receiving the love they deserve, and I want to make up for that. But maybe now, shortly before I’m supposed to be moving to LA, isn’t the ideal time. Or maybe it is? I mean, think about how much stuff I could cram into this 1959 Edsel Ranger:
I know, I know — those of you from out west are screaming at your monitor, frantically banging at your keyboards to write something to the effect of “Dude, don’t buy a rustbucket when there are so many Fe2O3-less cars here! You fool!’ But come on; this rust isn’t even that bad — rear quarter panels are almost entirely intact!
The wheels are not the right ones for this machine, there’s obviously a decent amount of brown on the outside (and I bet the underside looks like the present-day Titanic), but look at how nice the chrome looks! Plus, the glass is in good shape and the $3,500 asking price is more than reasonable!
I can just imagine driving this thing down Ventura Boulevard with all my stuff crammed into it, the suspension resting on its bump stops making the car look like the baddest low-rider in town. Oh yes — I need to buy this car.
Unfortunately the engine, which I assume is a 292 cubic-inch V8, is backed by an automatic transmission. But honestly, if there’s any vehicle for which I’d make an exception to my “no automatics” personal rule of vehicular purchasing, it’s a classy machine like this Edsel. It’s a quirky chrome yacht, and it’s about to create a tidal wave that tips over the precarious canoe that is my wallet, spilling 35 $100 bills into the owner’s hands. Hell, I bet he’d take $3,000. [Bites knuckle] Images: Edsel and Facebook Marketplace/Eric Lindemeier Spacing Guild Navigator https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/dune/images/9/9a/Guild_navigator.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20190804012256 …or Brain Bug? https://external-preview.redd.it/FOPhAjLrIDxMqgeygxalWytH5rk_e4Ya3MumApZVLvA.jpg?auto=webp&s=9c1da39e5f706ad15977d58ed27b661c47e61f70 You decide! That’s what you should do. I look forward to your article about trying to fix the Edsel on a live fire artillery range, or whatever crazy place you find yourself in. And then you’ll be hurt like never before. You’re a good guy, you deserve better. I’m just trying to help. Would you like some ice cream, with maybe those cupcakes you like? 2. Always good to have one automatic for the time when age has eroded the athletic ability you still think you have. Next thing you know, your right ankle is wrapped and you can’t put any weight on it. Please don’t ask me to explain.
